Western Housewives – May 2025

By Summer McMillen

All my married life I have thought that when husbands all got together horseback after a hard days work they were probably rating their wives on a scale from one to ten based on their various capabilities. Did Wife A have a good hat crease? Was Wife B good help in the branding pen? Was Wife C an excellent mother? Was Wife D hospitable to everyone? Could Wife E make a decent gallon of sweet tea? Did Wife F keep a tidy saddle house?

Presumably, when Wife B did not live up to Wife A there was a fist fight followed by wife shaming of Husband B. His status amongst the cowboys immediately fell and he would be behind for the rest of his life in his cowboy career.

He would come home ashamed his wife couldn’t flambé a decent bananas foster and she couldn’t hoolihan either. He would be distraught and said wife would feel his pain.

Of course, this never happened to me like I thought it would. My husband always came home with a smile on his face and I’m pretty sure “flambé” isn’t even in a cowboys vocabulary.

Nonetheless, these imaginary fights and social rankings have plagued my brain for years.    It has caused me to always be in competition with myself to be the very best at everything I did. Which I have eventually realized is a trait of women all around the world.

While we are cooking a four course meal for our families we start to think about how we actually should be practicing heading steers instead.

While we are practicing our horsemanship we start to think about how we should actually be preparing a nutritious and elaborate meal for our families.

It is a constant battle that women have created and proceeded to fight for centuries.

One day the inner battle got to me and I finally broke down as we were riding wheat pasture and confessed to my husband my guilt. I was so sorry that I wasn’t a better cowgirl. I was so sorry that the house was a mess. I was so sorry that I would never be on The Cowboy Channel. I was so sorry that I had lost his good pair of gloves. (Except I didn’t actually mean to confess that last part. Some things are just better left unknown.)  I apologized again and again and told him I was sorry and he probably never wanted to bring his friends over for supper ever again.

Instead of consoling me, he just started looking at me like I was crazy. Which is what all good husbands do.

He stopped his horse and looked at me and said “Do you know how cowboys rate each other’s ranch wives?”

So many thoughts started filling my brain. Was it looks? Gentleness? Laundry speed? Work ethic?

Then he revealed their secret. “Cowboys rate  each other’s wives by how well they can cook eggs for breakfast.”

His point of course, was that men don’t think about each other’s wives. As long as they get their eggs for breakfast. In another twist of irony, my husband taught me how to fry the perfect egg. What can I say? It’s a man’s world.

Since then, I have let go of my irrational fears and doubt and have simply been living life. It’s all anyone can do. I may not team rope the best. I may get my fingers when I’m trying to dally and I may not have the tidiest saddle house. But I try hard at everything I do and I do it all out of love for my family and finally, myself.

So, if you’re a woman this Mother’s Day and you catch yourself feeling down amongst life constant pressures just remember you are not alone. You can almost guarantee there is a woman in every household that needs a little pick me up. Maybe you should just go outside. Maybe you should sit down and count your blessings. Or, maybe you should have your husband fry you some eggs.